


Fireworks

by theundeadsiren (rhoen)



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-30 12:58:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5164697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhoen/pseuds/theundeadsiren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rick and Kieren go to watch the fireworks display in Lancaster, but it doesn't quite go as expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fireworks

**Author's Note:**

> I just got back from the bonfire, with the rough idea for this in my head.
> 
> I know there's a difference between flashbacks and what happens to Rick (which is a phobic response, really, although he wan't scared of fireworks before). Idk. I was just writing (and I know more about phobias than flashbacks, and once upon a time this happened to me in Italy, and my dad was such a dick about it omfg).
> 
> Haven't read over it - in a rush to go sleep, as it's Remembrance Sunday tomorrow (in 20 mins).  
> Anyway, happy belated Guy Fawkes Night!

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* * *

 

Rick closed his arms around Kieren, nuzzling into his neck as he pressed more firmly against Kieren’s back. He could feel the way Kieren shifted impatiently. He’d already twisted Rick’s arm twice so he could read Rick’s watch.

“Excited?” Rick asked softly. They were standing on the north side of platform 4 at the train station, in clear sight of the castle where they fireworks were to be set off.

“Yeah,” Kieren nodded, shifting slightly in Rick’s arms to look round at him. “You?”

Rick gave a smile, pressing a fleeting kiss to Kieren’s cheek. “Yeah. It should be good.”

“I’m glad we came.”

Rick nodded, tightening his arms a fraction. “Me too, Ren.”

It had been so long since they’d spent bonfire night together - five years, in fact. Rick could hardly believe it. Four of the five years he couldn’t remember, but the one shortly before his death was still fresh in his mind. He’d always gone to the bonfire with Ren, or snuck away from his parents to meet up with him, but out in Afghanistan everything had been so different. A few of the lads had tried to make an event of it, commandeering some rockets and flares, but it hadn’t been a special occasion. It just reminded Rick of all the good times he’d had with Kieren, and had made him miss him even more.

But they were together now, and that was what mattered.

Kieren twisted Rick’s arm again, making Rick laugh softly. “It’ll start soon,” he promised, his free hand moving lower and holding Kieren’s slender waist.

“You said that ten minutes ago,” Kieren complained. He sighed, leaning back against Rick even more. Rick happily let him, glad for the contact. A little girl standing close by kept glancing up at them, her eyes wide in confusion, but Rick simply smiled at her, guessing she’d never seen two guys together before.

“It’s a shame we can’t get treacle toffee,” Rick reminisced.

“It always hurt our teeth,” Kieren pointed out.

“Yeah. Tasted nice though.”

Kieren gave a low hum of agreement, reaching to check Rick’s watch again. Just as he did, the first firework rocketed into the sky, exploding above the city.

It was beautiful. Rick knew it was beautiful. Several other fireworks had joined the first, erupting high above them, but something was wrong. Something felt wrong. Rick couldn’t quite take in the astonishing display, because his body had frozen in place, ice-cold fear gripping him.

“Rick?”

Kieren’s voice seemed far away, and for a moment Rick struggled to realise that Kieren had actually spoken.

“Rick, what’s wrong?”

Kieren was struggling to turn in Rick’s arms, and Rick tried to remember how to loosen his grip. His breathing was coming far too fast, and he couldn’t get his body to cooperate. He didn’t understand it. He didn’t understand himself. The fireworks were pretty. He wasn’t in danger. Yet his mind insisted that he was, rendering him incapable of movement.

“I… I don’t like it,” Rick managed, aware of the fact he was panicking now. Kieren had pulled free and turned to face him, his hand finding Rick’s and grasping it.

“It’s okay, Rick,” he said, the noise of multiple fireworks interrupting his words. It felt terrible. Rick wanted to get away - far, far away from it - but he couldn’t get his body to move. “I’m here, you’re okay. Let’s go somewhere quieter.”

As Kieren spoke, he tugged at Rick, leading him somewhere. There were people packed onto the platform, but Rick barely noticed them. The terrible noise kept going, and with each bang Rick struggled. He wasn’t like this. This wasn’t him. Fireworks didn’t frighten him. He was stronger than this. He was better than this.

Rick became aware of the fact he was being sat down. The noise faded slightly, but was still far too audible. He was in a room; a warm room with computer desks, papers piled up on them, and a worn floor. As he looked up he saw Kieren kneeling before him, concern written across his features, and also another man who was wearing a Virgin Trains uniform. Rick frowned in confusion, not sure how he’d gotten there, and then looked down again, trying to catch his breath. He realised he was trembling - shaking so badly he knew he wouldn’t be able stand up.

“Do you need anything?” the train guard asked. It seemed he was talking to Kieren.

“I don’t think so, thank you,” Kieren replied, his hands closing over Rick’s and trying to still them a little. Rick’s gaze bypassed Kieren and went straight to the guard, who was looking at kindly him.

“Not one for the fireworks, eh?” he asked with a sympathetic smile. The horrendous noise was still there, and Rick had to fight off fresh waves of fear with each explosion. He shook his head.

“Not since Afghanistan.” Rick noticed that even his voice was weak and trembling.

“I’m so sorry,” Kieren said, sounding genuinely distraught. “I didn’t think. I didn’t know.”

It took an enormous amount of effort for Rick to turn his hand and grasp Kieren’s in return. “It’s okay. I didn’t know either.”

He managed a very poor laugh, trying to shrug it off, but ended up closing his eyes against the panic. It felt terrible. He wanted it to be over, and knowing that it wouldn’t be for another few minutes made his eyes sting with tears.

“Tell you what, let me go fix you a brew,” the guard was saying. Rick simply nodded, pulling his hands back from Kieren, who was still kneeling on the floor and looking up anxiously at him. He was clearly worried, and didn’t want to relinquish his hold on Rick.

“I’m…” Rick’s voice was still shaky. “I’m going to cover my ears.”

He felt so stupid. Like a child. But he hated the noise so much he didn’t care what he had to do to try and drown it out. Kieren gave a sad nod, slowly standing. He then reached for Rick, encouraging him to lean forwards and press against his stomach in much the same way Rick’s mother used to do to soothe him when he was a child. A gentle hand stroked at his hair, while the other rubbed his back, and with the sound almost absent thanks to jamming his fingers in his ears, Rick realised he could start to relax. From the start he’d know he could relax - he wasn’t in danger - but his mind had refused to acknowledge that. Rick was more than ready for it to stop now - for the shaking to cease, for his lungs to stop desperately drawing in air he didn’t need, and for the cold fear of imminent danger to dissipate. He was safe; he was okay.

Rick could feel Kieren talking, and guessed that the guard was back. A minute later when he felt stable enough to pull back a fraction from Kieren, the guy was nowhere in sight. Two takeaway cups sat close by on the desk, but they were still alone.

“Has it stopped yet?” Rick asked, looking up at Kieren, who shook his head. Despite that, Rick tentatively lowered his arms, bracing for the impact. The fear came back, but not as strongly as it had a few minutes ago.

“You don’t have to listen,” Kieren said gently. “I’ll tell you when it’s done.”

“I can face it,” Rick argued.

“I know. But you don’t have to.”

“Just… hold me?” Rick pleaded. As soon as he’d asked it, Kieren’s arms were comfortingly around him again, holding him tightly. This time, Rick returned the embrace, his arms flung around Kieren’s waist.

It took a further three minutes before the display was over. Rick was still trembling at the end of it, but his body was starting to become exhausted at the effort being afraid for so long took. He slumped even more against Kieren, who hadn’t moved at all.

“I’m sorry,” was the first thing he said. Rick feebly tightened his embrace, trying to be reassuring.

“Don’t be,” he repeated. “How were you to know? I didn’t realise… I’m sorry it happened. I didn’t want to ruin tonight.”

“You didn’t ruin it.” Kieren let go of Rick, kneeling in front of him again. He looked so determined as he regarded Rick, taking his face in his hands and speaking in such a gentle but firm tone. “Don’t think for a moment that you’ve ruined anything. You hear me?”

Rick nodded as much as he could with the way Kieren was holding him,and was surprised when a moment later Kieren kissed him, dry lips pressing firmly against his own. The touch was gone in a second, but it lingered on Rick’s senses.

Kieren’s expression softened as he let go, sitting back on his heels and resting a hand on Rick’s knee as he looked up at him. “Was that a flashback?”

Rick shook his head. “I don’t think so. I wasn’t remembering anything. I was just scared.”

He still was. The feeling was fading, but it wasn’t helped by the fact that the memory of it was still there, making his skin prickle with cold sweat and dread.

Kieren kept quiet, clearly thinking. His fingers fussed with a crease in Rick’s jeans.

“The guy said we could stay here until you felt better.”

“I’ll be okay in a minute.”

“Do you still want to walk? We could get a taxi.”

Rick felt tired, and the suggestion was tempting. “Have we got enough for it?”

“Yeah, I’m sure we do.”

“Okay then.”

They lapsed into silence for several moments, the only change in their positions being when Rick reached over and ran his fingers lightly through Kieren’s hair.

“Thank you,” he said softly.

Kieren looked up. “You’re welcome.”

“You’re the best.”

“Of the rest.”

Rick shook his head at the automatic response. “No. You’re the best of the best. I’m so lucky to have you.”

He truly meant it, and as he watched, Kieren’s expression softened even more.

“Thank you.”

They fell silent, and Rick focused on Kieren - the way he was looking up at him, eyes framed by beautiful long lashes, and the feel of his hair. Kieren’s lips were gently parted, tempting and inviting, and Rick was glad the fear seemed to be almost completely gone. The only fear left now was the fear that he wouldn’t make the most of the opportunities he had.

“I think I’m ready to go now,” he decided.

Kieren nodded, standing first. He then offered a hand to Rick, who took it, and was surprised to find himself glad of the support as his legs still felt shaky beneath him. It was manageable though.

“Shall we take the drinks?”

Rick eyed the takeaway cups, and shrugged. “Might as well. Maybe we’ll see the guy and can say thank you.”

“Hope so,” Kieren agreed, taking both the cups and handing one to Rick. Their free hands met, fingers lacing together. “You sure you’re okay?”

Rick thought about it for a moment, and then nodded. “Yeah. Just… let’s stay close together?”

Rick felt vulnerable, and the thought of going ‘out there’ caused anxiety to stir. He knew they had to go - and the sooner they were at the hotel room the better - but he was afraid that the fireworks might start up again. He really, really didn’t like them. If Kieren was close, Rick was pretty sure he’d be okay though. And tomorrow… well, tomorrow was a completely different day, and hopefully the exhaustion would be gone, taking the last lingering traces of fear with it.

“Okay,” Kieren said, leaning in and giving Rick a light kiss on the cheek. He didn’t pull away immediately, and Rick felt his breath ghost over his skin as he spoke softly. “I’m proud of you, Rick.”

It made his heart swell with happiness, everything else in the world momentarily forgotten as Rick smiled at Kieren’s words. Kieren was proud of him.

“Thank you,” he said humbly.

Kieren looked fondly at Rick as he spoke. “I’m always gonna be here for you, no matter what.”

Kieren’s words made the breath catch in Rick’s throat, and he struggled to return the sentiment. “And me for you. Always. I promise.”

The smile they shared made Rick’s heart ache, and he knew that they both felt it. There was no power on Earth that could stop him from keeping his promise, and he knew the same was true for Kieren.


End file.
